please tell me if the idea of story is….?

Credit and mortgage advice Forums Buying Your Home please tell me if the idea of story is….?

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      Anonymous
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      Please tell me how is the story, and should i use more vocabulary and how is the idea.

      Chapter 01 – What Happens Next?

      At this moment, there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. They all have their own problems and secrets tied inside their hearts and brains, protected by the hard bones. People believe that sometimes it is easy to keep a sensitive feeling bottled up inside their bodies than to open it up in cool soothing air. Six billion people in the world, six billion souls, and sometimes, all you need is one
      My Name is Alex McAllen, and I live in Blue Ridge, Alabama in the United States. I lost my Brother in a car accident a year ago, tomorrow is his birthday, and I am figuring out how can I go to his grave and tell him, how my life is without him? And the truth is that, I miss him, I never cared when I used to fight him and when I used to lie to him, and when I used to betray him, or when I used to distrust him, The thing is that I’m suffering now for what I have done.
      I dream him, every so often where he is telling me to do something, to do something I have never done, the right thing. However, I never do the right thing that is what he used to say. Scott used to say I do not do anything right, the thing is that now is the time for me to finally change.
      It was morning, I just woke up and I saw him again last night, but this time I could finally understand what he was saying to me.
      “Feel your life like it is a gift and you can never ruin your gift, can you?” He said calmly.
      I went running to him and hugged him for all the time he was not around, it felt so real and comfortable. Only till I woke up and this thing came into my mind that it was just a dream then I looked in front of the mirror and I said that “my big brother left me because I had a fight with him”.
      I could not just keep sitting and staring at the mirror, because Dillon was coming home for breakfast today, his parents were out of town for the weekends, so I asked him to spend some time with me. I stood up, went off the bed, took a shower, then I brushed my teeth and I changed my clothes. I went down stairs for the breakfast to see if it was prepared, when I went to the breakfast table, I realized that “what am I thinking? The breakfast is always ready, because I’m always late” Since I was hungry, I stepped forward, pulled the chair, and sat.
      “My mom, my dad and my best friend was there, just like it used to be when the big brother Scott was around” I thought. I believed that a perfect family is when all the members of the family are on the table to have the first meal of the day, but too bad my thoughts never came out to life.
      I was a very unusual teenager, until now when my life is about to change. One of my closest friends is Ashley Stevens, her best friend is Dana Paxton, they both are in my class and they both live at a same house, it’s kind of weird, people find their way after they are eighteen, but they seems to be finding it now. Ashley is kind of the girl who doesn’t care about anything, just like she didn’t cared when she put her boyfriend in coma, actually it wasn’t her fault, but now that it’s been 6 months she still feels that it was her fault, and every day she talks to Dana to feel better yet she doesn’t.
      Ashley and Dana were going to the Teen Store where Dana works for extra earning; Ashley is walking with Dana talking to her,
      “I know you always tell me it wasn’t my fault, but the truth is that it was, and I feel guilty, if I would have been patient maybe he would be better, maybe his parents would feel better, maybe I would be feeling better” Ashley said
      “Don’t you think then, maybe you wouldn’t be walking with me here” Dana replied.
      “I don’t know what to do? I’m feeling guilty and there’s nothing I can do” Ashley said to Dana
      “You know what! I can help you, when we get to the store, you can buy a good music CD, and it will help you feel a lot better” Dana replied.
      Eventually they reach the Store, they both went inside and Dana goes behind the counter, and returns to Ashley, wearing a badge. Dana pointed Ashley towards a shelf,
      “Go there and buy whatever CD you like, I can get you a discount too,” Dana asked Ashley
      “Ok” Ashley answered.
      Ashley went ahead to the shelf and started her search, after a minute or two a person comes in from the door and comes right ahead towards Ashley and moved to search a CD.
      “Hi, my name is Vince; I’m looking for an Eric Wilson CD, could you help me find it?” Vince asked Ashley.
      Ashley looked at him, found him familiar, and stared at him for a second and began speaking,
      “Pardon me?” Ashley asked in surprise
      “Hello, my name is Vince, I’m looking for an Eric Wilson CD, could you help me find it?” he replied.
      Ashley though did not knew who is Eric Wilson, but I think she liked his charm and finally decided to help,
      “Yes, of course” she replied to

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